This is a short story I wrote from the perspective of someone addicted to love and drugs. This is not something I personally deal with but it is a real problem that thousands of people suffer from.
Abandoned
a short story by Danielle Martini
I've read that the best liars are those who are on drugs well that is a lie... or is it? When I was just a little girl I was abandoned. I was abandoned by my mother, you know that lady who is suppose to be there for you and protect you, well she left my father for another man and needless to say she is still running around with another man.
Growing up I did not have much of any role model in my life as both my parents bounced around from partner to partner. Every time I got close to someone and started to think of them as a mother like figure, they left. Some disappeared in the middle of the night with no explanations while others came and went and a few passed on; either way they abandoned me.
Since I went unnoticed for so long I began to look to other things to make me feel wanted and needed. First I turned to people and not in the good way. It started out with a guy or should I say guys. I did anything and everything they asked of me like I was their doll baby. Some things I didn't agree with and sometimes things got physical but I went with it. I even recored a couple encounters so I could look back and grasp the feeling of being wanted when I felt unwanted but it didn't last long as I slowly discovered that they were using me kind of like I was using them and of coarse abandoned me after the night was over just like everyone else.
I was about to lose it. I was spinning down the rabbit hole faster and faster. I was tired of feeling so alone, I'm here but I'm not here. Does anybody notice me? Can anybody see I am in pain? I just want to be wanted is that to much to ask for. Since the guys weren't working I decided to release my videos, oops, that gained me some attention. For once someone actually seemed to care that I was degrading myself. It felt nice but over time it faded and I had to find something new. Girls? Jail? Alcohol? Drugs? Oh I've tried it all, I've done everything I can think of to make me feel wanted and needed but I am still unsatisfied. I am not happy so I continue to drink. I continue to shoot up. I continue to lie and use people to my advantage.
I have been to rehab, jail and back again. I have been to the emergency room and almost died from an overdose. I have stolen, cheated, sold myself for drugs but I have not hit rock bottom. I am still standing so what is it going to take to feel wanted and needed? What won't ever abandon me? A baby. A beautiful baby girl, just like me. So sweet. So innocent. So perfect. I will love her and give her the life I never had. I will take care of her and provide for her for I am her mother.
I have hurt people. I have lied to loved ones. I have stolen from loved ones but in the end it wasn't me, I didn't do it. Was it the alcohol talking, maybe the drugs or the shame I felt. The one thing I longed for most I abandoned. I abandoned my little girl. I left her there alone and helpless. I guess you can say what goes around comes around and I am following in my parent's footsteps. I know that is no excuse but hey, I chose this life although I may not realize it yet but the choices I have made have impacted me and impacted the lives of others.
I was abandoned and felt the longing for attention. I just wanted to be wanted and needed no matter what it took but in the end the world goes round and round and we all just end up back were we started - in a dark, tight space cramped for air. The abandoned become the abandoners. I guess the best liars are those who are on drugs because I have been lying to myself this whole time.
Growing up I did not have much of any role model in my life as both my parents bounced around from partner to partner. Every time I got close to someone and started to think of them as a mother like figure, they left. Some disappeared in the middle of the night with no explanations while others came and went and a few passed on; either way they abandoned me.
Since I went unnoticed for so long I began to look to other things to make me feel wanted and needed. First I turned to people and not in the good way. It started out with a guy or should I say guys. I did anything and everything they asked of me like I was their doll baby. Some things I didn't agree with and sometimes things got physical but I went with it. I even recored a couple encounters so I could look back and grasp the feeling of being wanted when I felt unwanted but it didn't last long as I slowly discovered that they were using me kind of like I was using them and of coarse abandoned me after the night was over just like everyone else.
I was about to lose it. I was spinning down the rabbit hole faster and faster. I was tired of feeling so alone, I'm here but I'm not here. Does anybody notice me? Can anybody see I am in pain? I just want to be wanted is that to much to ask for. Since the guys weren't working I decided to release my videos, oops, that gained me some attention. For once someone actually seemed to care that I was degrading myself. It felt nice but over time it faded and I had to find something new. Girls? Jail? Alcohol? Drugs? Oh I've tried it all, I've done everything I can think of to make me feel wanted and needed but I am still unsatisfied. I am not happy so I continue to drink. I continue to shoot up. I continue to lie and use people to my advantage.
I have been to rehab, jail and back again. I have been to the emergency room and almost died from an overdose. I have stolen, cheated, sold myself for drugs but I have not hit rock bottom. I am still standing so what is it going to take to feel wanted and needed? What won't ever abandon me? A baby. A beautiful baby girl, just like me. So sweet. So innocent. So perfect. I will love her and give her the life I never had. I will take care of her and provide for her for I am her mother.
I have hurt people. I have lied to loved ones. I have stolen from loved ones but in the end it wasn't me, I didn't do it. Was it the alcohol talking, maybe the drugs or the shame I felt. The one thing I longed for most I abandoned. I abandoned my little girl. I left her there alone and helpless. I guess you can say what goes around comes around and I am following in my parent's footsteps. I know that is no excuse but hey, I chose this life although I may not realize it yet but the choices I have made have impacted me and impacted the lives of others.
I was abandoned and felt the longing for attention. I just wanted to be wanted and needed no matter what it took but in the end the world goes round and round and we all just end up back were we started - in a dark, tight space cramped for air. The abandoned become the abandoners. I guess the best liars are those who are on drugs because I have been lying to myself this whole time.
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This is a short story I wrote from the perspective of someone addicted to love and drugs. This is not something I personally deal with but it is a real problem that thousands of people suffer from. I wrote this in hopes of letting you know that you are not alone. You are not only hurting yourself, but the loved ones around you. No matter how abandoned you may feel, someone is still hoping you will come back to them so why not take a stand, fight your addiction and come back.
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